r/Askreddit "What Was Your Wittiest Comeback Ever?" Funny Reddit Posts

r/Askreddit lets users answer some of the Internet's most compelling questions. Today we've got, "What's your wittiest comeback ever?" So today we've got clever insults, witty one-liners, and brutal jokes that will leave you laughing. What about you? What's the wittiest comeback you've ever said? I want to hear your best comeback down in the comments!
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  1. Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    43 minutos atrás

    That trampoline thing was hilarious

  2. Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    Hora atrás

    Best NON-Comeback I ever heard. My friends and I in our early 20's were at the pub giving each other a hard time as usual and RIck gave some comeback to Dermot about his mother, at which we all laughed. Dermot had no reply. The chat/jibes carried on for at least 10 minutes with Dermot not saying much. Then Rick gets up and goes to the washroom, and Dermot clearly lost in though says in a low voice (thinking out loud) "Hmmmm, what will I come back with?" Oh man I nearly died laughing - His opportunity for a comeback was long gone by that time!

  3. Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht

    Hora atrás

    A few years ago when I was young an gullible, I phoned a psychic to book a visit. I asked "Hello, is this John the psychic?' to which he replied "Yes. Who am I speaking to?" - I said "You tell me!" - LOL I totally hadn't planned it, it just popped into my head in the moment

  4. Cyrus Takem

    Cyrus Takem

    Hora atrás

    Usa, country of freedom, can't legaly go to park at night

  5. Forever We Smile

    Forever We Smile

    2 horas atrás

    Ok weird story me and this boy were arguing like he and him were swearing back and forth sooo he goes.. Boy; stfu u dumb bitch no one likes u Me: well no one one likes u fucking dickhead. Keep ur small ass dick in your pants instead of ur personality. To this day he is still reminded of how he lost towards me

  6. Yami Evans

    Yami Evans

    7 horas atrás

    Best comeback I ever had. I was a a bar with friends, and two dude came over and started hitting on us. Now after a while, and several hits that non of us were interested (all lesbians) I eventually dropped my polite smile, have the one focused on me my best deadpan stare and said "Dude, the more you try to talk your way into my pants the dryer I get" then stood up with and left. Not even looking to see his expression or hear his response. My friends and I laughed about it for the rest of the night. And I swear, that is the most savage I have ever been in all my life.

  7. Zany Mutt

    Zany Mutt

    12 horas atrás

    High school bully when I walked into the room, “Oh god, not her!” Me while turning dramatically, “Oh Yes! Bask in the glory that is me!” He literally got up and left 😂

  8. LA Bubbles

    LA Bubbles

    15 horas atrás

    I was on the bus and some girl was talking to her friends and then a boy turned around and asked "You have friends?" to which she turned and said "Yeah why, you jealous?" Everyone on the bus heard it and started laughing and I will never forget that moment

  9. Jessica Cowell

    Jessica Cowell

    Dia atrás

    Once a guy I knew said he was uncomfortable around gay men because he was afraid they would hit on him. To which i responded don't worry you are not that cute.

  10. Sylentlight


    Dia atrás

    My personal favorite and one that I'm the most proud of: I was dating this woman, we quickly moved in together, it quickly fell apart and we ended up in the oh so fun situation of living with your ex. I had found out that she was messing around with the married guy across the street. She had been sleeping around a LOT and she tended to go for guys in committed relationships but since we weren't together I didn't give a shit about her seeing someone, but I was NOT okay with the fact that the guy was married and putting his wife and 2 kids through that. Anyways, the 24 hours leading up to me moving out I had two WONDERFUL exchanges with her - 1st Ex: So? Now you know. What do you think? (with a snarky attitude) Me: Oh actually I think y'all are PERFECT for each other! He's EXACTLY your type! Ex: (got a HUGE smile on her face and got all cheerful) REALLY?!?! Me: Yeah... He's married. It was so amazing watching the joy in her just drop dead. 2nd (about midway through meticulously separating my stuff from hers and moving all my shit out, she was PISSED while I was calm and collected and FREE!!! lol) Ex was bitching about me taking the Nerf guns that I bought to play with MY son who didn't live with us, rather than me just giving them to her and her son. Says she's going to married guy's apartment. She just shuts the door and I thought under my breath I muttered: Me: Damn, she is such a whore (I don't like this word but feel it was appropriate with all things considered) Ex: (STORMS BACK IN) WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?!?! Me: (calmly) I believe I used the term "whore" Ex: I'M CALLING THE COPS!!! Me: … For calling you a whore? LOL! Ex: *furiously dialing for the police dept and has phone on speaker* Dispatcher: Generic police dispatch greeting Ex: Yes, my ex bf is moving out and I need you to send some officers down here immediately! Dispatcher: Okay ma'am are you in danger or worried that he might hurt you? Ex: …. No.... Dispatcher: Okay so.. is he stealing things of yours or are you worried about him doing that? Ex:... Well... No... Dispatcher: So you want your ex to move out, he's moving out. He's not being violent in any way or stealing anything... Ma'am... Why do you need us to send officers there? It sounds like he's doing exactly what you wanted him to do... Ex: Just send someone down here!!! I didn't even try to hide my laughter at how horribly she just made a fool out of herself. Eventually a pair of officers did show up after she left while I was packing up my next load to take to storage. They looked inside my car and asked me a bunch of questions. We had some good laughs. They asked if she was abusing any substances and that sort of thing. All in all an event where I feel I finally grew a spine and stood up for myself =)

  11. Prussia Tamer

    Prussia Tamer

    Dia atrás

    (2 weeks ago waiting for the bus after work) anti-lgbt man: you know if you hang around with those demons youll go to hell too me: well if they are demons then im the prince and my dad is the devil, ill tell him you said hi me: *gets on bus to go home*

  12. Red Hood

    Red Hood

    2 dias atrás

    Friend: WHAT ARE THOSE?! Me: They’re called shoes, Dumbass. You wear them on your feet.

  13. Thom


    2 dias atrás

    me: you don't have an asshle, Alex! Alex: how woud I even survive then? Me: coz the only thing you ever do is dribble shit! BEST RECOVERY EVER

  14. a105


    2 dias atrás

    (on the school bus) me: *getting up to leave* ass hole who i don't like looks at me and says :get off this bus and go fuck your self me: nah i got your sister for that later mind you the sister was sitting next to him and we where dating lmao

  15. Brandon Ramoie

    Brandon Ramoie

    3 dias atrás

    I was at the bar with some coworkers after work about 1 in the morning the bar is right across the street from the shop. So one beer for my coworkers birthday and this dude showed up v-lined it to straight to our table. He starts yelling and yanking his girl out of her chair. I dont know who she is and I could care less at that point. I slammed my mug on the table I told him to shut his mouth and he needs to leave. He gets nose to nose to me and starts running his mouth says I just got out of jail and I'm not afraid to go back. My reply was stone cold you must be in a rush to see your boyfriend. I was still sitting there beer in my hand he rears back to throw a hay maker and stops the entire bar 50 or so people are standing all coworkers. He just walks out and as he leaves I said don't stress it man you will be back to jail to see your man soon enough. My best come back to someone I didnt know.

  16. Tlapi Dragon

    Tlapi Dragon

    3 dias atrás

    Dad: not just a pretty face~ Me: *looks him up and down* oh sweetie you don’t even have that

  17. ELITE warrior53

    ELITE warrior53

    3 dias atrás

    Cousin: shut up, stupid. Mom: *Cousin's name*! Me: dont worry mom, I dont mind her talking to herself.

  18. RisingDawn66 isawesome

    RisingDawn66 isawesome

    3 dias atrás

    Can't fully remember but a guy on my bus said I was gay and I proudly said "actually I'm bi" and everyone was like "OOOHHH!!!" While the guy was shocked it's not much but I love it 😂

  19. Twiggy the Torterra

    Twiggy the Torterra

    3 dias atrás

    Not a comeback but a roast *me hanging out with my friends in one of their dorms* ((We’re all teasing one of my friends because his girlfriend cheated on him and they still got back together so we made jokes against her for being so disloyal)) Friend’s roommate: so you know your girlfriend is a b****** for cheating on you My friend: come on. I don’t ever call your girlfriend a b****** Me: Cause she’s not Everyone: OOHH One of my greatest roasts

  20. Eric Deyarmin

    Eric Deyarmin

    3 dias atrás

    Someone says “who’s an idiot? You are!” Replies “well at least I passed preschool

  21. Brandon Cerny

    Brandon Cerny

    3 dias atrás

    I work at a corner store we sell, well lets just say shady, natural viagra. The pills come in a plastic container in the shape of a rhino. So this lady comes in she must be in her 80's she sees them the conversation goes as follows Old lady: what are these pills here? Me: those are uh well they are viagra. Old lady: oh ok are you supposed to swallow that whole thing. Now in my head my evil ass goes im gonna mess with this lady's head. Me: oh no thats actually a suppository. The old lady then turned red and looked horrified she then walked out of my store before i could tell her i was joking.

  22. GilliBean


    4 dias atrás

    In seventh grade at the end of the year i walked into my last class for my last day and there was a paper on my desk from (presumably) the last class. I asked (twice) "Is this anyones paper?" And the girl in front of me who uses being on her period as an excuse to be a bitch was like "Its just a paper and the garbage can is right there, OP." in a really snotty voice and i was tired of it. I told her in a mean voice "I wasnt talking to you, (her name)" she dirty looked me and i said "treat me like a bitch ill act like a bitch." And she was like "Oh, you think /this/ is bitchy? I can show you bitchy." So i said, "Show me." She went "I could slap the shit out of you." So i told her "Go ahead." You know what she did? Nothing. What i thought, bitch. (Chick was in a pencil skirt, hoops, and had her hair down. What did she think she could do? Lmao)

  23. Tekkatak Roxxi

    Tekkatak Roxxi

    4 dias atrás

    One of mine was when there was a fight in my apartment complex's communal kitchen with this entitled brat and her ex-boyfriend who she used, and she started saying shit about his dick size. I, in a stroke of genius, said with no emotion whatsoever, "At least sucking on that would be better than tasting your moldy roast beef." And then I kept eating my dinner.

  24. Tekkatak Roxxi

    Tekkatak Roxxi

    4 dias atrás

    I was with some of my friends (a gay teen couple) and some girls and a dude came over and screamed out "FUCKING FAGGOTS!!" I looked at the guy (country bumpkin kinda guy) and said "At least I don't jerk off to Brad Paisley posing shirtless with a pickup truck, pardnur!"

  25. savage 96

    savage 96

    4 dias atrás

    Man listening to this reminded me when me and my bf (now husband) hanged out with one of his friends. This friend of his wasnt too bright but thought her was and would always try to try to get with me, guess to see if I'd cheat? It became a thing just to throw insults at each other for fun. He'd go on about how long his slong is and be like 'hey I'd let you sleep with me so you know what real man is like my d*ck is 12in' or something to that effect and I'd always chime 'honey (southern thing) we been through this, you're using the wrong side of the ruler. :)'

  26. SomethingTyler


    4 dias atrás

    Some guy online had 2 girlfriends who ended up killing themselves. He was trying to act badass when, saying he got laid, so my friend chirped in: "Boy shut the fuck up, your dick was so bad that your only GFs fucking killed themselves." He still brags about the roast to this day

  27. cris Brubaker

    cris Brubaker

    4 dias atrás

    So what mine small except yours is not any bigger either

  28. Chameleon LMT

    Chameleon LMT

    4 dias atrás

    “Fuck me yourself” OUTSTANDING MOVE

  29. Samuel Crandall

    Samuel Crandall

    4 dias atrás

    Kid: boi, what are those shoes? ( blue and white champions) Me: better than yours

  30. Bob Sauce

    Bob Sauce

    4 dias atrás

    Me (8 at the time) and my brother (13) were having a brotherly argument. I playfully punched him in the stomach, apparently harder than I intended, because he let out a loud “ow”. My reply to that was “aw, did I hurt your shirt?” My dad couldn’t help but laugh and give my stunned brother a look that said “wow, that eight-year-old called you a bitch”.

  31. XxQ0an T6anxX

    XxQ0an T6anxX

    4 dias atrás

    7:20 Wow you wack him on the head with that 22 ounce hammer

  32. XxQ0an T6anxX

    XxQ0an T6anxX

    4 dias atrás

    Lol i got a fucking funny ad about a dweeb that’s funny AF talking about a anime and isekai

  33. Daniel Ström

    Daniel Ström

    4 dias atrás

    My grandma was pissed that I spent too much time in front of my computer. "You'll become stupid if you spend that much time in front of a screen!" "Wow granda, I didn't even know you owned a computer, but thanks for the warning!"

  34. Nova productions

    Nova productions

    5 dias atrás

    Really all 12 inches 😂😂😂😂

  35. Xander Mykah

    Xander Mykah

    5 dias atrás

    Probably not my best of moments, but I had this girl in fourth grade who’d bully me relentlessly. She’d just moved to our school on account of being placed back into the foster system. I don’t exactly know HOW but she managed to turn all my friends away from me. I would get the shit beat out of me everyday by the three of them. One day, bloodied and bruised after a daily beating, she says, “No one will ever want you so you should just kill yourself, faggot.” At that point I’d had it, and quickly fired back with, “Well, at least I know my parents would choose me over a crack pipe ANYDAY” Did I get the shit beat out of me again? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes.

  36. Biorn R.

    Biorn R.

    5 dias atrás

    I think my wittiest was against a teacher I didn't really like. We were having a PE class and my teacher couldn't find the cones used to mark the field, and said that a classmate could go down i one end, and the teacher would be the cone in the other (in my language the word for cone is also older slang for a nitwit). I heard it and whilst running past I said that "you might not be my favorite teacher, but I must credit you for your selfawareness" Another was made by a classmate. We entered a class another mate was about to tell an ironic story opening it with "everything began with me..." Then the first mate interjected and said "wow, that's a sad story"

  37. LTCK


    5 dias atrás

    Stupid person: I'm gonna burn you so much, you'll be fried chicken. Me: I would burn you, but my mom told me not to burn trash.

  38. Bethany Jones

    Bethany Jones

    5 dias atrás

    I was the shortest person in marching band, and my band director loved to poke fun at it. He often made jokes about if I ever became drum major (the person who directs the band), he'd have to get a step stool for the podium. It was all in good fun, and never bothered me lol. One day, he overheard some friends of mine talking about basketball and he said, "Beth, never date a basketball player." I responded "why? I'm the perfect height! I don't even have to get on my knees!"

  39. 29eline S

    29eline S

    5 dias atrás

    The only one I succeeded in using was; Random person: F**** you! Me: No, thanks Would be great if there was something like a site where you could practice.

  40. Larren T

    Larren T

    6 dias atrás

    My dad said "who would ever hate bacon!" I said withought thinking about it I said " Vegetarians"

  41. robert cushman

    robert cushman

    6 dias atrás

    Today is the 1 million day bro!! Get ready!

  42. PaSS ThE BoOf

    PaSS ThE BoOf

    6 dias atrás

    That one on the thumbnail (not bragging btw) is actually from an anime (feel free to hate because i actually want to see whats the problem with anime)

  43. David Smith

    David Smith

    6 dias atrás

    The cop trampoline, was the best one.

  44. oyun go / GD Frust

    oyun go / GD Frust

    6 dias atrás

    4:07 OOOOHH that could have gotten him arrested holy moly.

  45. Torrential_Zephyr


    6 dias atrás

    I had a middle school classmate who used to draw on my math tests during peer corrections. In high school, we were in the same Physics class, and I'd sometimes act a little pugnacious around him, ’cause of the test thing. One day… Classmate: *holding phone in such a way I thought he was about to take my picture* Me: You better not post that. C: I'm taking a selfie. M: … Still better not post that. C: *somewhat sad tone* Why are you so mean to me? If I ever meet him again, I'd like to find a way to let him know I don't hate him (I feel somewhat guilty for being spiteful over *math* tests).

  46. Torrential_Zephyr


    6 dias atrás

    For that last one, the dude wasn't even livid; he was just sad. XD

  47. Huskador


    6 dias atrás

    okay so this one dude said something like "your mum gay" or some stupid shit, and i was like uh "no you #getRektKid"

  48. matthew beaty

    matthew beaty

    6 dias atrás

    I used to work at a elks lodge and my boss was well known for being a snarky ass hole. One day I pure on the wrong sized gloves and he asked me to look at the box and tell him what I thought that little s. Stood for I said small and he pointed too the box next too it and said what do you think that l. Stands for I gave a big shit eating grin and said laytex whe bolth chuckled then he tossed a caret at me and we got back to work.

  49. Erin Okay

    Erin Okay

    6 dias atrás

    You need to pause between stories!

  50. HagBoy's Studio's

    HagBoy's Studio's

    6 dias atrás

    I won'ted say most wittiest because I say this to him alot. So A boy who I am pretty sure is Gay tells me "Your Thick OP." And I say back to him "That makes you Gay."

  51. Konrad S

    Konrad S

    6 dias atrás

    Some1: Do you know who I am? Me: no... and i dont care... -------------- Some1: The bigger the car the smaller dick driver has Me: Grinning like a madman =D Some1: Why do you grinn? Me: I have a buspass =D ---------------------

  52. XeZeZono Vids

    XeZeZono Vids

    7 dias atrás

    9:00 Same,I also roasted somebody that hard

    • XeZeZono Vids

      XeZeZono Vids

      7 dias atrás

      Listen I know it sounds weird but don’t judge me

  53. Jonas Boel

    Jonas Boel

    7 dias atrás

    My best comeback: No u

  54. Sandman


    7 dias atrás

    I am guessing chirping is the same as sledging? Sledging is like heckling but in sports. It is synonymous with cricket.

  55. Inks Hermit

    Inks Hermit

    8 dias atrás

    My mother has technically kill her descaled husband after he ws begging for help (he was a schizo) then she married the man who I was raised by which is either another schizo or a psychopath. "So once he divorces you who are you gonna cling to next? You really loved Micheal Jackson so my bet is a pedophile? ;) "

  56. Inks Hermit

    Inks Hermit

    8 dias atrás

    If I ever run into my old ex friend who accused me of causing her to go homeless (after 7momths of putting up with a hoarder/compulsive spender/homeless person) her mother is a BLUE whale and I mean BLUE, I can't remember anything about her mother other than a blue blur and blue clown make up she's a harder and compulsive spender like mother like daughter, I'll be saying "You like cactus so much and now I've figured out why. Your family tree is a cactus and everyone's pricks. Btw having fun with your convicted murder boyfriend? We've been 'wrestling' but I don't think he really likes me being so clean, a dirty hore is more of his preference guess he struck gold. Did he tell you he's got diseases?"

  57. avihai cohen

    avihai cohen

    8 dias atrás

    I was playing basketball the other day and a group of kids that looked around the age of 13 (I am 16) came to the court and wanted to play soccer and how the court layout work is that there is 1 small soccer field and 1 small basketball court and a large soccer field over both the small ones and they wanted me and my friends to leave so they can play on the large soccer field we refused and we started arguing and one of them decided to say he will beat me up if I won't go back to my house and he said I leaved on a neighborhood which where I live is known as a crappy neighborhood (to try and make fun of me) so I just grabbed him slammed him to the ground and told him to look at my shoes (an expensive per of Jordans) and tell me he he really think I leaved their (the kid left crying)

  58. Rose Irving

    Rose Irving

    8 dias atrás

    I was one of two girls in my physics class and I got along with the boys pretty well (we were a small school, 12 students in the senior physics class). This girl had a reputation for liking a new boy every week and when everyone found out (after she told everyone), she would always say "I didn't really like [insert name here], I only said that to hide who I really like". One day in physics she was teasing one of my guy friends, saying I liked him and generally being a snobby bitch about it, in turn I replied: "at least I don't like every boy in the school." I was rewarded with hysteric laughter and in turn was never challenged again. Best comeback I have ever had. NOTE: I know this was published ages ago but I enjoy the story!

  59. Kyle D

    Kyle D

    8 dias atrás

    I was talking to a coworker in the smoking area, someone rudely interrupted me mid conversation. Me: “Oh I’ll just go fuck myself” Interrupter: “wow that was rude” Me: “ yeah you should really mind you manners” They left, surprised.

  60. Willow Chance

    Willow Chance

    8 dias atrás

    My friend: fuck you Me: when and where honey My friend saying my original lines: here and now Me: alright let’s go take you shirt off *dead serious tone

  61. Ava Thompson

    Ava Thompson

    8 dias atrás

    Had a running joke in college with a friend of mine that he had a micropenis. Don't know if he actually does, but who the hell is gonna let that shit down? We get into playful fights sometimes. One went something like this: Friend: Hey, suck my dick! Me: I would if I could find it. He didn't talk to me for a week after that. (We're on good terms. I still make fun of his micropenis.)

  62. Nemesis Destroyer

    Nemesis Destroyer

    9 dias atrás

    Damn, I have many a burns. My daughter is starting to follow suit and I couldn't be happier. Girl: You are so ugly. My daughter: sweetie, you need to stop thinking out loud.

  63. lunar_j_ dawn

    lunar_j_ dawn

    9 dias atrás

    There were these two boys wanting Alex and the other name Devin I dated both of them at different times Alex said that Devin was an idiot for dating me to be a jerk but then I reminded him that I dated him too XD

  64. Rainbow Cookies

    Rainbow Cookies

    9 dias atrás

    My best friend once said, "hah GAYYY" Without thinking I responded (rather loudly), "sAyS yOu!!" Edit: I still meme on him about it.. He totally loves me 😂



    9 dias atrás

    My math teacher started talking about how she saw this alzheimers documentary and without blinking I said: but you can't remember any of it amiright?

  66. TheBiteSizedCrafter


    9 dias atrás

    Classmates ( during middle school) : You have dirty blonde hair cause its so dirty. me: Aww Lesser minds are so entertaining.

  67. shastapurpledaisy


    9 dias atrás

    I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and a group of his friends. My boyfriend was eating chips off his plate and one fell off and within a second a friend snatched up the chip so my boyfriend called him a seagull. I quickly responded with “Cameron. That is an insult to seagulls”, it was more the way I said it that made him laugh. Later that night another friend, who was Indian, was telling a story about the time he accidentally swam by a croc. I really wanted to respond with “it must not have liked Indian food”, but I ruined it by asking if he was Indian first because I was over worried about offending him in case he wasn’t.

  68. shastapurpledaisy


    9 dias atrás

    I accidentally burned my friend. He and this other guy were arguing I don’t know what about exactly but I knew the perfect comeback to burn the other guy but the people around us acted like I burned by friend. My comeback was “you can’t form a relationship with your hand”. I did clarify that it was aimed at the other guy and not my friend.

  69. Rachel Beals

    Rachel Beals

    9 dias atrás

    a few small ones I=Idiot I:You suck! Me:And you swallow. I:F*** you! Me:I know you wanna!

  70. Sonia g

    Sonia g

    10 dias atrás

    There was this kid that would bully me for being dyslexic and having ADHD from 5th grade all the way up to 12th grade. He thought it was funny to ask me questions that were sexual or would be too personal (i am walking by his building as I'm typing). We took a school trip to Switzerland and while we were all in one room chatting he asked "Sonia do you think I'm attractive" and I wasn't wearing my glasses or contacts i said "of course you are, then again without my glasses quasimodo is brad Pitt to me."

  71. Sunscreebtopewdipie G.

    Sunscreebtopewdipie G.

    10 dias atrás

    One time at school this bald teacher was joke making fun of this girl with purple hair and I said at least she has hair to die

  72. Meme Grandpa

    Meme Grandpa

    10 dias atrás

    Mine is No u

  73. Kyle White

    Kyle White

    10 dias atrás

    I was working in a pizza place and got a customer who was difficult about the one coupon or a deal we and procced to cuss me out and i start to get fed up so i said (eat this) and hanged up the phone

  74. TheseAreMy Crocs

    TheseAreMy Crocs

    10 dias atrás

    (6th grade) Ok so once this guy said why am I so fat I said every time I f*** his mom she gives me a cookie BTW I saw this in a meme and I decided to say that everyone started laughing

  75. Kat Alexandros

    Kat Alexandros

    10 dias atrás

    "If I wanted my cumback, I'd wipe it off your face"

  76. Marco Feliciano

    Marco Feliciano

    10 dias atrás

    “No u”

  77. Bush DidHarambe 421

    Bush DidHarambe 421

    10 dias atrás

    Okay so there's a girl who is a total shithead constantly. Somehow she graduated but that's off topic, she called me an emo freak (Idk why I was wearing a white shirt, no makeup, and normal black pants that fit our dress code) and I said "at least I'm not shaped like the penguin from batman and Robin". She got mad and stormed out of class. Just to give you an idea of what a shit person she is: theres a girl in my choir class who is nothing but nice and is HIGHLY allergic to peanuts, Alex (the penguin) had a peanut butter chocolate bar. Somebody asked her nicely to put it away or finish it further away from Abby (the peanut girl) so Alex fucking held the bar in front of Abby's face and screamed "SHES FINE. FUCKING FAKER" and Abby ran out to the bathroom crying and now covered in hives.

  78. TriviaLover 7

    TriviaLover 7

    11 dias atrás

    You know you've found "The One", when you exagerate your Size, in puplic, and they don't spill the beans.

  79. Belsnickel


    11 dias atrás

    9:13 I don’t get it

  80. Bigkills5


    11 dias atrás

    Me and my uncles were all hanging out at a wing place. We've already gone though about 200 wings and my uncles ordered more. At that point I tap out and say I'm not going to have more wings. They take offense to that. Uncles: Come on don't be a p***y. Me, with no hesitation: You are what you eat. There was a stunned silence for a few seconds followed by uncontrollable laughing for about five minutes. I think the part that really got them was the fact I was 12 at the time ,and my saying that was completely out of left field.

    • Julia Falbo

      Julia Falbo

      6 dias atrás

      Well done lmao

  81. Rectixio


    11 dias atrás

    This bully was talking to his friends and he was walking and he wasn't looking and he tripped over a garbage can. Everyone laughed, including me and he walked up to me and asked: "Hey bitch, whats so funny?" I said: "It's physically impossible for someone to run into themselves, yet you've done it."

  82. Jordan Films

    Jordan Films

    11 dias atrás

    Someone says I have the biggest d*ck I look at them and say No you are the biggest d*ck

  83. RainbowRoxGirl


    11 dias atrás

    My best comeback? RSlash are you so bad at comebacks you have to ask people on internet for them?

  84. itsbegginingtolookalotlikemurder


    11 dias atrás

    One of the best comebacks imo is “I’m not a mirror” Variations include: “Im not your clone”, “Man, we twins or something?”

  85. Bloominblu


    11 dias atrás

    11:36-11:50 let her live fam

  86. NukaGaming_


    11 dias atrás

    My beat comeback was telling this short kid "shut up you hobgoblin before I make you climate change"

  87. Nick Brown

    Nick Brown

    11 dias atrás

    11:51... that is the best set of comments i have ever heard xD

  88. Biohazard CZ

    Biohazard CZ

    11 dias atrás

    This happened just today (im 12) I was going on a train from school to home and there were 2 trains that were just coupling ( is that how you say that?), but ive seen that the train have stopped so i naturally came walking and one guy that was i think a train driver on a break just yelled me: you fucker you are so idiotic why the fuck would you cross the rail road when the train is still moving(it wasnt)?! Me: why the fuck you cussing me out Dickhead dude:shut the fuck up like 4 children died on the railroad this week Me: then you shouldnt fucking run them over!

  89. Matthew Aldridge

    Matthew Aldridge

    12 dias atrás

    Worked at steak n shake had an assistant manager who wanted me to leave for the evening when I said I was just finishing up he said who do u work for. I said steak n shake. He got mad do u like this job. Sometimes like all jobs it has it's good and bad days. He is now furious you think this s some kind of joke. No I was just answering your questions honestly. He told me angrily to leave and stormed off

  90. David Wellman

    David Wellman

    12 dias atrás

    The most recent I can remember: Comment in passing: "We don't watch a lot of TV in Russia" Me: "In Mother Russia, TV watches you" (Thanks, Yakov!).

  91. Vipurus Memes

    Vipurus Memes

    12 dias atrás add came on....and uh this mother...has a drug probs and she was holding her baby..and uh..ya know what you know I feel uncomfortable being human.Youll know when its the add when you see a blonde drinking and holding a baby.

  92. Dana van der Looy

    Dana van der Looy

    12 dias atrás

    my friend once calld me and a friend a couple (we where not and i did not have a crush on him) entitled friend: oooooooh love! you are a couple? me: well at least i managed to get some one! friend: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  93. Sad On Sundays

    Sad On Sundays

    12 dias atrás

    Random person:*Notices my service dog. Takes off my sunglasses* How many fingers am I holding up? me: Well I know I need contacts to help me see but I didn't think I was that blind

  94. Mitchell Collett

    Mitchell Collett

    13 dias atrás

    Rarely do I press like on videos but this was amazing

  95. Yasmeen Din

    Yasmeen Din

    13 dias atrás

    Someone called me gay and laughed so I gave him my old glasses and said he needs them more than me.

  96. Steam Fanatic

    Steam Fanatic

    13 dias atrás

    Ok so I’m in high school and this kid in my class is talking about how he’s going to whip his 🍆 out and that we would laugh at the huge size of it is what he was going to say but before he got to huge size I said small size of it and made about 13 more jokes about how small it was man I he walked away pissed later in the year he said his 🍆 was big enough to fit in a peach ring for people who don’t know what a peach ring is it’s American peach flavored chewy candy and the hole of the ring is about 2 or 3 centimeters in diameter and the teacher showed him the peach ring she had 2 days later after he said that his 🍆 would fit and now to this day his nickname is tiny pp

  97. Jordan Royter

    Jordan Royter

    13 dias atrás

    When I was a courtesy clerk at Walmart several years ago. This guy drives through the parking lot after 1am like it's his own race track! We were 24 hours then, and I worked the night shift. I come out to the lot and he drives up to the crosswalk, then slams on his brakes, seeing me cross! He then pulls around to leave, but before he does, he pops out his door and says, "You ever do that again, I'll get you fired!" Me, after a LONG day of BS reply, "SUCK MY FUCKING DICK!" I meant to say it under my breath, but I yelled it! Was pretty proud for standing up for myself for once.

  98. Ira Chan

    Ira Chan

    13 dias atrás

    Guy sitting net to me: hey anime! hey anime! Me: Hey skinny dick! Guy sitting next to me: stays quiet for the rest of the period

  99. Julian Mamuri

    Julian Mamuri

    13 dias atrás

    9:01 that's brutal!

  100. Kirstin V

    Kirstin V

    13 dias atrás

    Alright so about a month ago my partner and I were walking away from school while holding hands, normal stuff, when this kid, who was probably like a fifth or sixth grader, yelled from one of the buses "they're trying to get into your pants!" So my partner, without missing a beat, resonds, "I already have!" Needless to say, that was the best thing I have ever experienced 😂

    • Julia Falbo

      Julia Falbo

      6 dias atrás

      Nice 😂

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